About anxiety…

Summer already seems so far away at this point. Once school starts again, I feel like routine sneaks back into my life instantly. I must admit, at the end of the summer I am actually looking forward to school. Especially this year, because it is sort of a new beginning.

It’s probably a bit weird, but in many ways, I like school. And yes that probably makes me a bit of a nerd. But I like to learn new things, to develop myself, to have new challenges. I don’t know if it’s the case for everyone, but I just need to have my goals. They keep me going.

I was never ambitious in high school.  I just didn’t care. I realize now that I wasn’t being myself at all, I didn’t feel comfortable in that school. I had some great times with my friends, but the majority of it wasn’t nice at all. I guess part of that was up to me, I kinda shut down and kept to myself most of the time.

The first year of university, I still had that same mentality. Sort of. There wasn’t a drive, a motivation. It’s kind of cliché, but I didn’t know who I was, who I wanted to be. I did however feel a bit more comfortable in these new surroundings.

That year turned out to be a very hard for me. I quit college after two and a half months. I had a complete breakdown. At some point I didn’t leave my house anymore, lost contact with my friends. My days were composed of sleeping, sitting and eating a bit.

I told everyone I was sick. I was afraid to say how I really felt. I still am today, I never told my friends what was really going on. After attending the doctor a couple of times, we came to the conclusion that my symptoms are those of an anxiety disorder.

People who have an anxiety disorder are scared of being scared. And I know this sounds odd. But I can randomly and less randomly get anxiety ‘attacks’. If you get these at first, you really think something is very wrong with you. I felt completely lost and sad.

I’m still at a point where I have to convince myself this isn’t something to be ashamed of, because I still am. I feel like people will not understand. For me it felt as a big relieve to find out what I had, what it was, and most importantly… I wasn’t alone.

Anxiety is in essence a GOOD thing. It keeps us alive and focused. If  you are walking and suddenly there is a lion in front of you, your body gives you two options: either you fight or you run. Unless you are Tarzan I would say RUN. Now your body pumps adrenaline into your blood. It will pay less attention to your digestion and focus on running fast, to say it in a simple way. This is anxiety. But you don’t notice that you get a bit nauseous, sweaty, dizzy… your focus is on USING the adrenaline to run or fight.

Chances you run into a lion in Belgian are rare. Unless you go to the zoo. My point, anxiety is still there, will still save you, but the lions sort of have almost all disappeared. To give an example,  I am sitting on a bus. My body thinks there is a lion. But I don’t see one. I only notice the physical aspects of anxiety. So my head says: huh, what is going on here? I’m getting nauseous, am I going to be sick? Now I am getting scared of my internal feelings. So I just added a second lion myself. Oh no, let’s add more adrenaline. More being nauseous, dizzy, a whole list of unpleasant things. Oh no, this is real! It’s getting worse! Not now! Third lion coming and so on… If you continue collecting lions, you can end up in an ‘anxiety attack’. Which is even more unpleasant.

Luckily I found a way back up, and things are going good again. I really love studying law. However, these anxieties will never go away. Sometimes they are rarely present, sometimes a lot. It’s something I have to accept, and because of these anxieties I do know I’m a pursuant person, who doesn’t give up that easily.


I didn’t mean for this to be a depressive or sad post. But I just wanted to have said it. This is going on in my head, and in many others. Anxiety is present in many people’s lives, and although it isn’t always easy, it proves that we are strong! 🙂







39 thoughts on “About anxiety…

  1. Great post. Every human being and probably all animals suffer from anxiety at some point of their lives even if the humans don’t admit it. I suffer from stress/anxiety attack when I don’t know how to handle something unexpected and unpleasant that has happened to me or someone close to me. Being on your own doesn’t help when your anxious or stressed. Moral support is the answer.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I don’t have anyone to open up to apart from my sons who are the main cause of my anxiety and stress. I don’t have any other family alive or living nearby. So if you do have anyone you are close to try hard to open up to them.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Love this post! I enjoy reading your blog as it is very well written. I can totally relate to this entire article and know what you’re dealing with. Thank you for sharing your story with the world because I believe many people can sympathize with you on this subject.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I’m glad you wrote this honest post. I realized that a lot of people in our generation suffer seem to have a lot of anxiety. I’ve never had an anxiety attack, but I spent A LOT OF time worrying about the future and trying to figure out my place in the world. It’s kind of exhausting lol. Anyway, I’m glad you’re feeling better at the moment. Accepting that ups and downs are inevitable has helped me get through the times when I’m not feeling 100%. Keep writing! And going after your goals!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. The first few paragraphs, I was relating to your experiences. But when you started talking about real anxiety problems, I was surprised. I thought I was an anxious person. After reading the second half of your story, I couldn’t relate anymore. Thank you for posting. That’s knowledge and awareness you imparted us.
    I have a lot of negative attributes I can admit to, but I don’t think judgmental is one of them. So about that “People with no experience of anxiety can say things like … “, do you take offense to that? I mean isn’t it okay to say “take it easy”. 🙂


  6. This is a great post and I loved reading it! Talking about anxiety, especially when it pertains to yourself or someone you love, or just anxiety in general, is never easy; so you should definitely be proud of posting this. Keep up the good work and I would definitely read more posts on this topic 🙂 x

    Liked by 1 person

  7. All I can say is I can understand where you are coming from because this year my anxiety was triggered too and I found out when I started having physical symptoms so I can totally relate. It’s good that you wrote about it. It helps calms the nerves.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Brilliant post and don’t feel ashamed or judged, it’s surprising how many people understand. I hope it has gotten easier for you? Anxiety becomes sort of a part of your day I guess, but it’s something you have to accept but learn to love it in its own sort of way. Fighting it doesn’t do any good! You sound like you have a very good knowledge of it which is fantastic and you should pat yourself on the back for that. I completely agree with being relieved when finally being diagnosed. I spent years convincing myself I had a lung problem and when I finally bucked the courage up to go to the doctors it turned out I had been hyperventilating. Once I knew what it was I did the same as you – figure the science out and understand it. Well done for being so open, I know it can be hard. Thank you for sharing your story and I wish you all the best.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Just read this. Really interesting and good post.
    I can relate – third year in law school the panic attacks suddenly came. Out of nowhere. Guess I was just overworked and stressed out, but it really turned into a pattern – for a few weeks I was super anxious of being anxious and that of course made it worse. It took a while till I learned to relax and be more calm about it, and after a while they receded. I haven’t had a panic attack in over a year, but then again, I try to avoid putting too much work on my shoulders.
    Oh, and I am a slight hypochondriac. Have been since I was a child. So I know a bit about anxiety and the like myself, although you seem to have been struggling with a more severe kind of it.
    All I can say is: don’t be ashamed of it. There’s so many people I know who know the feeling, including me. And don’t give up fighting against it! I felt that meditation and autogenic training really can help, maybe that’s something to try for you too (if you haven’t already).
    Would love to read more about the topic 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Studying law brings alot of stres, which probably triggers the anxiety, glad to read you found a way to manage! I am going to post more about this soon! Right now I’m still avoiding a lot, but avoiding things isn’t going to solve anything, meditation seems a good thing indeed!


  10. Pingback: About exams
  11. I’m so glad you wrote this post! I believe so strongly that talking about it is one of the healthiest ways to deal with anxiety and similar issues. Thanks for sharing, and keep on being real with your audience. What a gift to all of us 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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