About anxiety…

Summer already seems so far away at this point. Once school starts again, I feel like routine sneaks back into my life instantly. I must admit, at the end of the summer I am actually looking forward to school. Especially this year, because it was sort of a new beginning.

It’s probably a bit weird, but in many ways, I like school. And yes that probably makes me a bit of a nerd πŸ˜› But I like to learn new things, to develop myself, to have new challenges. I don’t know if it’s the case for everyone, but I just need to have my goals. They keep me going, and somehow growing.

I was never ambitious in high school. School sucked and pretty much everything else. I went to quite a tough school, where being good wasn’t good enough. I just didn’t care. The first year of college, I still had that same mentality. Sort of. There wasn’t a drive, a motivation. It’s kind of clichΓ©, but I didn’t know who I was, who I wanted to be.

That year was very hard for me. I quit college after two and a half months. I had a complete breakdown. At some point I didn’t leave my house anymore, lost contact with my friends. My days were composed of sleeping, sitting and eating a bit.

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I told everyone I was sick. I was afraid to say how I really felt. I still am today, I never told my friends what was really going on. After attending the doctor a couple of times, we came to the conclusion that my ‘illness’ was an anxiety disorder.

People who have an anxiety disorder are scared of being scared. And I know this sounds odd. But I can randomly and less randomly get anxiety ‘attacks’. If you get these at first, you really think something is very wrong with you. I felt completely lost and sad.

I’m still at a point where I have to convince myself this isn’t something to be ashamed of, because I still am. I feel like people will laugh at me, or think I’m weird. So this post is sort of a very big step, although I’m quite nervous about possible comments or thoughts.

Why I want to tell you? In first instance because I do this for myself. To get out of the ‘being afraid what others think of me pattern.’ Secondly, for me it felt as a big relieve to find out what I had, what it was, and most importantly… I wasn’t alone.

So how does this all work?

Anxiety is in essence a GOOD thing. It keeps us alive and focused. If Β you are walking and suddenly there is a lion in front of you, your body gives you two options: either you fight or you run. Unless you are Tarzan I would say RUN.

Now your body pumps adrenaline into your blood. It will pay less attention to your digestion and focus on running fast, to say it in a simple way. This is anxiety. But you don’t notice that you get a bot nauseous, sweaty, dizzy… your focus is on USING the adrenaline to run or fight.

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Chances you run into a lion in Belgian are rare. Unless you go to the zoo. My point, anxiety is still there, will still save you, but the lions sort of have almost all disappeared.

So I am sitting on a bus. And my body thinks there is a lion. But I don’t see one. I only notice the physical aspects of anxiety. So my head says: huh, what is going on here? I’m getting nauseous, am I going to be sick? So now I am getting scared of my internal feelings. So I just added a second lion myself. Oh no, let’s add more adrenaline. More being nauseous, dizzy, a whole list of unpleasant things. Oh no, this is real! It’s getting worse! Not now! Third lion coming and so on… If you continue collecting lions, you can end up in an ‘attack’. Which is even more unpleasant.

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So.. I don’t really know what my point is. But living with an anxiety disorder is not easy. I was very low at some point, luckily I found a way back up.

There is no secret recipe to this, it will never go over. It’s something you have to accept and live with. Worst mistake you can make, like I did, is to start avoiding everything.

By avoiding everything, you start getting these attacks in your own room, and you don’t feel comfortable everywhere. I was scared all the time.

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Now it goes up and down. Moments like now, where I feel good. But also moments where I have to drag myself out of the house, and just get trough the day.

I didn’t mean for this to be a depressive or sad post. But I just wanted to have said it. I never wrote these kind of posts before and I’m not sure you will like it. I would appreciate some honest comments, this is just a tryout really. Could be that it totally sucks, then I just stick to the same old so… honest opinions… you are welcome πŸ™‚ Let me know if you like me to write more about this specific topic as well. Thank you all and have an awesome week πŸ˜‰

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

39 thoughts on “About anxiety…

  1. Great post. Every human being and probably all animals suffer from anxiety at some point of their lives even if the humans don’t admit it. I suffer from stress/anxiety attack when I don’t know how to handle something unexpected and unpleasant that has happened to me or someone close to me. Being on your own doesn’t help when your anxious or stressed. Moral support is the answer.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I don’t have anyone to open up to apart from my sons who are the main cause of my anxiety and stress. I don’t have any other family alive or living nearby. So if you do have anyone you are close to try hard to open up to them.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Love this post! I enjoy reading your blog as it is very well written. I can totally relate to this entire article and know what you’re dealing with. Thank you for sharing your story with the world because I believe many people can sympathize with you on this subject.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I’m glad you wrote this honest post. I realized that a lot of people in our generation suffer seem to have a lot of anxiety. I’ve never had an anxiety attack, but I spent A LOT OF time worrying about the future and trying to figure out my place in the world. It’s kind of exhausting lol. Anyway, I’m glad you’re feeling better at the moment. Accepting that ups and downs are inevitable has helped me get through the times when I’m not feeling 100%. Keep writing! And going after your goals!

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  5. The first few paragraphs, I was relating to your experiences. But when you started talking about real anxiety problems, I was surprised. I thought I was an anxious person. After reading the second half of your story, I couldn’t relate anymore. Thank you for posting. That’s knowledge and awareness you imparted us.
    I have a lot of negative attributes I can admit to, but I don’t think judgmental is one of them. So about that “People with no experience of anxiety can say things like … “, do you take offense to that? I mean isn’t it okay to say “take it easy”. πŸ™‚

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  6. This is a great post and I loved reading it! Talking about anxiety, especially when it pertains to yourself or someone you love, or just anxiety in general, is never easy; so you should definitely be proud of posting this. Keep up the good work and I would definitely read more posts on this topic πŸ™‚ x

    Liked by 1 person

  7. All I can say is I can understand where you are coming from because this year my anxiety was triggered too and I found out when I started having physical symptoms so I can totally relate. It’s good that you wrote about it. It helps calms the nerves.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Brilliant post and don’t feel ashamed or judged, it’s surprising how many people understand. I hope it has gotten easier for you? Anxiety becomes sort of a part of your day I guess, but it’s something you have to accept but learn to love it in its own sort of way. Fighting it doesn’t do any good! You sound like you have a very good knowledge of it which is fantastic and you should pat yourself on the back for that. I completely agree with being relieved when finally being diagnosed. I spent years convincing myself I had a lung problem and when I finally bucked the courage up to go to the doctors it turned out I had been hyperventilating. Once I knew what it was I did the same as you – figure the science out and understand it. Well done for being so open, I know it can be hard. Thank you for sharing your story and I wish you all the best.
    Saranaran.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Just read this. Really interesting and good post.
    I can relate – third year in law school the panic attacks suddenly came. Out of nowhere. Guess I was just overworked and stressed out, but it really turned into a pattern – for a few weeks I was super anxious of being anxious and that of course made it worse. It took a while till I learned to relax and be more calm about it, and after a while they receded. I haven’t had a panic attack in over a year, but then again, I try to avoid putting too much work on my shoulders.
    Oh, and I am a slight hypochondriac. Have been since I was a child. So I know a bit about anxiety and the like myself, although you seem to have been struggling with a more severe kind of it.
    All I can say is: don’t be ashamed of it. There’s so many people I know who know the feeling, including me. And don’t give up fighting against it! I felt that meditation and autogenic training really can help, maybe that’s something to try for you too (if you haven’t already).
    Would love to read more about the topic πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Studying law brings alot of stres, which probably triggers the anxiety, glad to read you found a way to manage! I am going to post more about this soon! Right now I’m still avoiding a lot, but avoiding things isn’t going to solve anything, meditation seems a good thing indeed!

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  10. Pingback: About exams
  11. I’m so glad you wrote this post! I believe so strongly that talking about it is one of the healthiest ways to deal with anxiety and similar issues. Thanks for sharing, and keep on being real with your audience. What a gift to all of us πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

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